In The School Of Grace

Posted on Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 at 11:40 am

GRACE – the unmerited favor and love of God.

Not long ago, I had one of those mornings with my children when their every word and action pushed every button in me, so much so that I passed the point of rational thought and clicked into sheer emotional meltdown. The skills and war maneuvers I’ve learned through years of parenting four kids only echoed somewhere in the halls of memory. They were in full combat mode with each other and I was caught in the crossfire. By the time I dropped the last one at school without my customary morning prayer and blessing (I KNEW there was no way God was going to hear me I was so angry), I was crying, frustrated with my own inability to maintain self-control.

“I cannot do this! I am a complete failure as a mother!” I cried out.

I heard a quiet whisper, “I love you.”

I sobbed louder, “I know you love me, God, but I just thoroughly convinced those kids I don’t love them!”

“I love you,” I heard again.

“I know Lord, but did you see how I just behaved?” Tears were streaming down my face as the mirror of memory reflected back the ugliness of the me people I care about a whole lot less never see.

“I love you.” I stopped as I heard the meaning behind the words.

You… love… me. Even this me, the one I hide from everyone, the one even I can’t justify or rationalize, God loves me. You’re not waiting until I’m perfect so I can be called acceptable and one of your own, but in my ugliest, grossest moments, the Creator of the Universe, looks at me with love and calls me daughter. I have done nothing to earn this. I will never be able to earn this grace, a word for grabbing hold of, like a rope to a drowning man.

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One Response to “In The School Of Grace”

  1. Caroline says:

    Love your Blog Tracey! Great design, great insight… love it.

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